This post will be so weird and a bit non sense for her. She had no idea how to explain to public the reason why she decided to write about him. Here is the thing, last night he texted her and apparently it was super weird when he asked her to write anything about him in order to increase his popularity through her personal weblog.
She thought that he’s one in a million. What does it even mean? She’s not so sure whether this human is alive or not because if you ever met this human, you will wonder what’s going on with his poker face without an expression. Honestly, she’s not a typical person that easily judging someone by its cover.
“Don’t Judge Book by Its Cover”
In this 21st century, most of people still take FIRST IMPRESSION as a big deal which is related to the judgement. But she personally thinks that in daily life practice, she doesn’t even care about the cover. Meaning that whoever she meets at very first time, she doesn’t even care with the first impression because she thinks that first meeting will never determine the whole personality. The logic is like this, if you take the first meeting as a big deal, it will force you to put a high expectation for the next meeting. So you can imagine if that person can’t fulfill it, it’s gonna hit your expectation. The opposite is just let it flow. So if you don’t put any expectation, any surprise will blow your up.
Well back to the story. She didn’t expect anything from him. So, all is flat. No smile. No conversation. No reaction. No action. Nothing to explain. HEY! ARE YOU ALIVE? Well, she realized that she is dealing with A POKER-FACE HUMAN ALIVE.
Everything was started here
She: Wanna go home with me?
He: No thanks I’m cool.
She: Do you know where Alex is? he supposed to pick me.
He: No, I don’t.
She: How is it going with your recommendation for scholarship?
He: All good.
She: Where is Alex? I need him now.
He: I don’t know. He just disappeared.
He: Can I get the email of the student’s admission? I wanna send my documents.
He: It seems like you have learned a lot how to make people feel guilty.
She: Don’t you dare to try to manipulate me
He: Well yeah you are a lot better in manipulating since you are a debater.
She: What the heck. I studied politics and I knew how to manipulate people but I just didn’t do any of those. It’s just not my philosophy.
He: I don’t believe it because I think I was being manipulated by you and now you try to manipulate my mind by making me feel guilty. I can say I’m hypnotized by you. you are not just a debater, a magician also.
Talking about scholarship (his performance in interview was so bad bla bla bla) for the whole day.
He: Am I annoying? well you are too scary when I look at your face. It freaks me out.
He: It’s just not my thing to fake stuffs. If I’m lazy then I’m lazy. If I care I will show I care. That’s so simple.
He: Honestly I hate you. You always ask me hard questions and because of you I must type it so long but then you don’t reply it at all afterwards. I know sometimes you are online but you just don’t want to reply my messages.
She: LOL at the end I reply you even though it’s late.
He: But still it takes forever for me to wait it and I don’t like it at all.
He: I always do things alone.
She: Why be alone when you can do it together?
He: I am going to make so many clashes with my partner.
She: Ok bye.
He: Where are you? I’m chilling out here.
She: (he missed me?)
He: Do you have a class now?
She: Yes I do. it’s happening now.
He: Ok good luck. Just lemme know when you will go back.
She: (Is she starting to put any attention on me?)
He: I think everyone feels good act like a bitch.
She: Don’t let bitch life changes you.
He: Nah woman can change a man.
He: Can you help me to bring my blue helmet downstairs?
She: Sure, give me a moment.
He: Thank you. You are such a nice girl. I felt bad for always bullying you all the time.
She: Did you forget to bring something from my place?
He: I don’t think so. Did I forget some?
She: I don’t know. That’s why I asked you in case you left something behind.
He: Oh gosh you are so kind. I felt really bad for being such a bad guy to you.
He: Where are you?
She: I’m at your campus. Why?
He: I’m here as well exactly at the canteen.
She: Can I join? I’m so hungry.
He: Sure, come over.
(having good time together)
She: Do you really know the meaning of “bye” and good “bye”?
He: No, I don’t.
She: Then don’t say it easily to me.
He: I think I’m indeed a boring boy. Is there any problem with it?
She: You are just joking too much and it’s so difficult to differentiate every time you do it.
He: Okay, if you don’t like it I will be a serious man now. No longer joking.
He: Where are you? I wanna go to your place. I wanna take a shower.
She: Oh man! I’m heading to unicersity now.
He: I never hurt people only to make people disappointed.
She: It looks the same for me.
He: You are the limited edition girl.
She: Of course yes, I can not be compared to others.
He: I don’t know the meaning of lovable.
He: What kind of song do you want me to sing for you?
She: You are late. I have sang on my own.
He: Next time just tell me straight away if you want me to sing for you.
He: Everything has changed so now I do care.
She: You are so annoying.
He: I know but I’m so lovable ya see.
She: That’s my line.
He: So why do you want to teach me?
She: You force me to do so. I have no choice to reject it because I know if I said *no* you will attack me by saying *you are so cocky*.
He: Honestly I don’t like every time you ask me my personal life.
She: Did you think I like to be asked my personal life as well? What if you had bad experience as you are trying so hard to forget it but suddenly one person bring it back randomly? Can you feel that pain thing in it? You should understand that pain.
She: You demand the perfection but you never grand the equal treatment. So selfish.
He: Do you really celebrate your birthday today? Happy birthday. May you will be always patient to handle the bad people.
She: I like your question. Well today is my fake birthday.
He: Okay, I take my congratulations back
He: Why do we should go back to the past while we can open a new page?
She: Please open one for me.
He: I want to take some rest next to you.
She: You cannot because I also need a place to take some rest plus I don’t like a guy who smokes.
He: So why do you have a crush on me?
She: I don’t have a crush on you. did I ever tell you that I have a crush on you?
He: Well I’m so confident. So you don’t have a crush on me then?
She: I thought that you knew it already.
he: You tell me now, do you have a crush on me or not?
She: I don’t like a smoker.
He: Do you have a crush on me or not?
She: I don’t know. I do.
He: What do you mean you do?
She: I do have a crush on you.
She: No reason. I just did.
She: You silly.
He: You super silly. You have a crush on a silly guy.
She: Okay, I take back my word then. I don’t have a crush on you.
He: So I clap with one hand only then.
She: Why? I thought that you have no crush on me.
He: Who said so?
She: I did just now since you never said anything about it.
He: You never asked.
She: Okay, I’ll ask now. Do you have a crush on me?
She: I’ve told ya.
He: I know I’m always joking, make you angry, make you sad.
She: Well forgiven.
He: I didn’t ask for forgiveness.
She: You’re welcome.
He: I don’t need love emoticon. I need the real one.
She: You asked the question and I gave the answer so what’s the problem?
He: There’s no problem at all.
She: Then why it’s really hard for you to be relax? What’s wrong with you?
She: You are weird.
She: Honestly I can take care of myself but I welcome everybody who wants to protect me so if you are not capable to protect me, I’m sure there are a lot of people out there would like to protect me.
He: So confident.
She: Yes I’m.
He: I know you always doubt me and I can understand that so I will keep trying.
She: Not always just sometimes. By the way thanks for trying.
He: You’re welcome and thanks for appreciating my effort along the way.
She: Seriously sometimes I believe you but the way you tell me it sounds like a joke.
He: You can ignore me.
She: Do you want that?
He: Yes, I want.
She: If you are bored just tell me straight away so we can stop talking for a while.
He: I don’t want to get bored talking with you.
He: I realized that I’m not able to bring you a happiness.
He: Tell me the truth.
She: No it’s not.
He: Is there something wrong?
She: Nothing’s wrong.
He: Do I disturb your life?
She: Of course not.
He: Sorry if I did.
She: It’s not about you it’s about me I’m weird.
He: I am afraid to bother you.
She: I’m fine to be bothered by you.
He: Because I always bother you then you became get to used to it even enjoying it.
She: So what’s next?
He: Sing a song?
She: Are you not even tired for always singing me a song?
He: I don’t have a reason to stop singing songs to win your heart.
He: I think I’m not only special in your site but also in your heart. I have a place in there.
She: Who said that?
He: Your eyes said that and I felt that.
She: My eyes? When did you stare at me?
He: I always pay attention on you secretly.
She: Just be who you are.
He: I wanna be what you want.
She: I don’t want anything.
She: You are really good annoying me.
He: Nah, I’m really good at making you fall for me, ya see.
He: I don’t know how to treat a good girl like you.
She: Try to treat me better than others! You know what, I tried to adapt to your attitude I really tried. I get bored easily but I always try to not get bored. I’m really emotional sometimes, so easy to be angry and mad but I always try to kill my ego compromising your character.
He: It doesn’t matter you call me crazy, weird, annoying and silly. The most important thing is you have a feeling for me.
She: So confident.
He: Am I right?
She: Nope. who said so?
He: I’m broken hearted.
She: It’s equal. You have no feeling for me too.
He: You never asked.
She: I’ve asked you twice.
He: Lemme ask you. Why I keep welcoming you 24/7 while it’s so easy for me to get bored? Everything can be changed. Time flies.
She: So now?
He: I love you.
She: (laughing) I love you too.
He: I’m so comfortable with you. I never been into any serious relationship before. I’m just afraid I will hurt you. So I’m confused now.
She: You are such a bad boy but I have a feeling for you.
He: I hope what I feel right now is real because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I found a different girl.
and I don’t know how to treat her properly. I’m afraid I will hurt her.
He: I’m always being honest.
She: Your honesty might kill you.
She: What’s wrong with you?
He: I just miss you.
She: Yes I don’t like smoker I don’t like drinker but the only thing I know is I have a feeling for you.
He: Where are we now? I feel like I hang you.
She: Do you wanna make it clear?
He: Yes I do.
She: Then what do you wanna say? What do you feel? What is in your thoughts?
He: I have a feeling for you. I’m comfortable with you. Started to love you. I want you to be mine but I’m still confused to take the next step. I’m so afraid that I will hurt you and make you disappointed.
She: So what do you want? Don’t make it blurry.
He: I want you to be my girl.
She: I wanna be with you as well.
He: I only focus on you. Only you on my mind.
She: It’s so rare to find a honest girl to express her feeling straight away to her guy.
He: This feeling is getting bigger day by day.
He: you are an upper class while I’m just a lower class alive.
He: Don’t make too many promises. Action matters.
He: I’m weird. Yes weirdo.
He: Why did you choose me? You can get someone better than me and your happiness will be perfect.
She: I have no idea at all.
He: I know I’m bad, selfish, weird, annoying, crazy, silly, childish and I’m really sorry for that.
She: everything is fine.
He: Everything is going well.
He&She: Everything is cool.
He: I’m starting to make you sad.
He: I will commit. I promise.
He: I know it’s hard for you to accept my apology. Sorry for always making mistake.
She: Let’s stop talking then. I don’t know what’s happening with you. you make me really sad. I always try to be fine but God…. I don’t know to say. you always misinterpret things.
He: How did you expect me to be a better person if you never reminded me?
She: You are not a kid anymore.
She: Stop drinking!
He: I’m trying to be over protective.
He: Honestly, it’s hard for me to treat you better. I always do my best to make you happy. This is my first time to love a girl like you which is totally different with my past. I will learn to protect you and to respect you in a good way.
She: Express your feeling with a proper way is what I need.
He: I know we always have different thoughts.
She: I’m not strict. I just don’t like to be ignored.
She: You are joking too much. Do whatever you want.
He: Angry? Tired of me? What else?
She: Can we just talk about it properly?
He: About what?
She: Stop fighting.
He: You angry?
She: You said sorry too much already.
She: Stop comparing yourself with anybody else.
He: You are not my ambassador, but you are my queen my sunshine while I’m only a moon in the dark that you gave me lights and make it shine
THEY SMELLED WAR,,,,
He: I know I’m too selfish, I have big ego, I appreciate your tolerance. Sorry if I’m still the same as the first time we met. Sorry for always repeating the same mistake again and over again.
She: Do you always feel doing the right things? you can leave me. It’s getting complicated. I just don’t know what to do. You know I’m trying so hard to make our relationship works but it seems like I fight alone. Sometimes you just don’t understand my feeling. You really don’t. I know it’s easy for me to say “just leave me” you know why? because I’m lost. You always make everything goes easy. So lazy to make effort together. You put all of things on me. You let me to do it by myself. You just being too chill too relax like nothing different being single and having a girlfriend. You just being you. I killed my ego which wasn’t easy but I did it because of you since I considered you as someone important in my life.
He: I’m really sorry. I know I’m childish. I just don’t know why I feel depressed being with you because I’m afraid I will hurt you. Sometimes I feel sad of it. If you wanna leave me you can do that.
She: I don’t. Why did you say that? If I wanted to leave you I could have left you easily on the first time we met which no need for me to wait until now. But you see I didn’t do it.
He: Thank you for always fighting for us. Thank you for everything. Now is back to you. Maybe I will give up because I always hurt you. Make you cry. It’s my bad. It’s my mistake. I’m bad for you. I think you know I’m not good for you. It’s time for you to make a decision. Maybe I never made such a good thing for our relationship.
She: Honestly I don’t mind to do it by myself for our relationship. I really don’t mind. You knew it since the first time I decided to be with you. I believed that we can do it. I knew it takes time but we can try to make it better. I just don’t want to give up on us.
He: But I don’t think I can do it. We always have different perception even different path.
She: Can we normalize everything to the beginning?
He: I have tried to do the best thing for our relationship. I wanna grow old with you. I want you to stay beside me for such a long time.
SHE SAID SORRY TOO MUCH,,,
He: Your first tears in 2017.
She: I just don’t understand why I feel like you treat me like I’m not your girl. Can you just be more sensitive? I’m fine being alone but sometimes I need you.
He: If you’re fine being alone you can leave me because I have no time for you and my ego is too big and I never make you happy. I’m just tired and being stressful for all of this.
She: I never meant to make you stressful, All I want is your happiness. Forgive me. You know I love you and I don’t want you to leave me because I really need you. I’m just too afraid that you will leave me.
He: I won’t to leave you but I beg you to leave me because I’m bad for you.
She: If at the end you wanna say that what did you start all of this?
He: I don’t deserve to be with you.
She: Don’t do this to me.
He: You’re a good girl while I’m a wicked guy. Now I want to be alone. Give me a time to think. I’m just tired.
She: I’m sorry for everything I never meant to make you stress because of me. I mean I did my part already so you have to do your part as well to make it works
She: Where are you when I really need you?
He: I knew I never care I never had time.
She: Everywhere I go or how busy I’m I will always remember you. Everything happens in my life I let you to know it first. Can you do the same?
He: You can find another guy. I’m rude, I’m flat, I’m too formal, I’m joking too much.
She: I accept you whatever you are. Stop comparing yourself with others especially with some guys that were part of my past. If you wanna be my future just forget my past. If you can’t do it just leave me whenever you want.
He: Okay, I’m done. Back to you.
She: I’m really trying to understand you for almost 6 months which I never did it to anyone else. But recently I just had no idea what happens with us. If you think this is the right time for us to break up, you tell me straight away.
He: It’s from you. It’s your decision. I have no word to say. I’m enough
She: Can we start it over again?
He: I don’t know.
She: Thanks for making my day ended up perfectly (sarcastic mode on).
He: You can leave me if you want. Thanks for everything. Bye
He: Don’t waste your time with me. You can simply leave me and end this.
She: What’s wrong with our relationship? Do you really wanna end this? This relationship is no longer healthy. We always fight just because stupid small things and no improvement at all. We’re stuck in the middle of that cycle again and over again.
He: All these shits.
She: I’m done. I never felt like 6 months are shit for me. Thank you for giving me such an unforgettable rude last statement which totally represents real you. Let’s choose our own path. I think it’s clear now.
SHE WANTED TO TRY AGAIN….
She: I can’t choose my path without you. I was really wrong. I made mistake. Sorry for always starting war between us all the time. I really wanna learn to fix everything with you. Get back to me please. I knew I’ve messed everything up already. Can you forgive me and get back to me? I won’t break up because I felt like 6 months are important for me to have you in my life.
BUT…… SHE REALIZED THAT IT NEVER WORKED OUT…
She tried to be good. No more drama at all but she just didn’t know why it seemed doesn’t work anymore. She got depressed day by day since she didn’t find the final goal in her relationship which led into uncertainty. In the other hand they were not ready yet for something serious. She tried to be optimistic and tried to make it possible but honestly she couldn’t see her future with him. One the first time she dated him, she was so optimistic to welcome her future with him since she was so tired dealing with many love stories’ dramas (re: being hurt and the failure of romance) that she has been through before she met him. Despite of his past and so on she didn’t mind. They both were being opened to each other. He knew it once she fall for someone she fall hard. She was loyal. Her affections for him was unlimited. Every time the clash happened she always prayed to God to keep him with her. But day by day she started to demand and expected something more from him to be ready for the next step of serious relationship. Finally she realized that she put too much pressure on him as she is typical ambitious person on her study and career while he was more focus on his family. She tried to think clearly by putting her feet on realistic situation and she realized that she never regretted the moment that she spent together with him but she just didn’t see the final path will end up happily ever after with him. She kept thinking about long term plans that might hard for both of them to deal with since she has a lot of dreams to conquer the globe by traveling around the world. She moves a lot. She can’t stay in one place permanently and yes she can’t stay with him. The world is calling her all the time. It’s hard to say but she needs to be honest that her feeling is not meant to stay in his soul forever. She is still looking for her home to stay with. She really needs her “ME TIME” so bad. She needs more time to love herself as she missed her alone time in the process of cleaning her path, her goal, her dream, her ambition and come back to the track. She chose to be alone until she finds her true soul.
May, 19th 2017